‘’To day I recall to you’’



Late shakhawat Hossain and me





Krishan Konna of Bangladesh

I am calling to you. To day  need to you so much. I am so alone and alone. The cruel person of this earth continue me distressed. I get pains so much, in my heart is burning, paining, destroying but not express, nothing to do anything. After that as like as distressed, so have a lots of peace, So now I am laughing and rolling my tears for that. How many days no see to you. A lots of speech store in my mind. To day I tell you. Please come back once.

Are you know as like as before we are three person just waiting for you. When you come back home and to sitting bed and telling the story what happened whole day long, after dinnar. Now also we wait to you, but you don’t come. At that day you gone to hospital,no never come back to our house.  Are you know that habit till now  ?  when I come back they asked me what happened today and how many call to you to day and where ? sometimes I am angry but to stop only remember to you.

I recall a rainy day you come with all of your cousins to our village home in 1984 1^st August. Then you was General Manager of Ahmed company (Timber complex), to running  work Sylet.  I know first time you did not choose to me. I know that I am ugly, but fathers order, so no could not refused. Then all performed. After that when our conversation, then you understand me that as like as your minded a person who has a great integrity. So your whole life you loved  me so much that  I know. Just only you to did valuation to me what important I was of your life. So nobody no talk touch to me my whole life. You have been gone to leave us. Never no try understand that now a days how much need to you of our life. Whereas as like as selfish you slept for ever. Who always maintain responsibility fifty percent of your life, you did not care to tell her. I did not know what your distress. No I don’t believe when once I did a great mistake at that day you were crying catch my hand but I did not distress you, because I loved you so much. I never forget anything. Our entigrity that day no separation between us. I came back to you only loved to you so much.

At that day I was so unwell. Only fifteen days my brain operation performed. You told Sabina (maid servent) that today you stay house and to send your anty to me at hospital. Please believe me I went there with Rafsan and Jwel but your rooms security did not go your cabin and said no enter, ‘running emergency period’. Then I felt unwell and my cousin Juwel instantly captured and come back to house. You could not know never that we go back to your cabin. After that I heard from Schwan, at that time you so much gossiping with schwan and again and again to desired to see Rafsan. At last to do as like as selfish, no wait for me. You have gone away and slept forever. Really you are so cruel ! A lots of dream with Schwan and Rafsan. Whereas no remember schwan and Rafsan and as like as me a unwell person. As like as a selfish all responsibility to submission as like as unwell person and you slept forever. At that day you kept us where that word you did not say to me. In my life a pain that I don’t know your last word. After that I understand what your feelings because you trust  me so much and I was long twenty two years with you. I know that you say, ‘’ I keep my  Schwan and Rafsan with you. I recall when my brain affected, then my departure period I touched your hand and said that to take care of them. Because I understood that no come back in here, so no talk anything only crying and crying.

Are you know after your expired I read you diary and known everything. Although you had gone fer away without to tell me. But I understand, as like as you too. So when I was so distressed then I did not any pains or sorrows to them or not crying them. Always was trying that they did not misunderstand.  You will be glad now schwan and Rafsan to taught you so honor. Your love, integrity, morality are their inspiration.

I recall also always you are a empirer minded. But no cruel. Always polite and gentle. A freedom minded human. Always believe of the freedom of woman. Only for you I could performed my study after my marriage. After my marriage first I heard from you that your old home was Bhola,Barishal. In there grandfather Shafiuddin Mina was a great bussines man, at that time who are always life maintain as like as empire of British. As like as grand father lifestyle was same.  In there 2 big building. But unfornately grand father sold his houseland and come back to village at Gopalgong. In there a lots of story about our grand mother. She was a serious/ famous woman. Only some days she made a pond  and after bath only insist. And some Mosque in there only fighting against the the british empirer. Always washer man and barber is fixed in their home. Just as like as style was in him. Always to fun that we are empire and you are farmer daughter.

I recall when whole country is over flooded in 1988. At that time human life is so hamper without hungry, poverty, want of medicine and others. Then no any place of cookings system of village. At that time he had gone with take a lots of dry food, medicine and others. Only we are staying in Dhaka. Then we are suffering also. I heard that always swimming he distribute food and medicine in there affected area.

I recall at that time first your construction work is running Mokshedpur, Gopalgong. Once you took us your contact hotel (Luxari hotel at Faridpur) and hold two or three night and to knew that really you are so smart and nice. But you don’t understand indispensable reality. So once you lost your construction work. Then your life be changed. Only for this whole life we great suffered and to give me a big value that no filup till now.

I also recall after flood then you come to Dhaka and to sold all my ornament to Amin Jewlers that’s once made by me. Next time I heard that something you had given to poor, needy and helpless peoples of your village. Only for buy net, goats and others purpose. You know that from that day I never no wear any ornament of my life. No felt any attraction of ornament. Now when I recall my feelings is so good  and seems to me, really you was go great and great. For sign has kept at your villagers and all of your cousin. Really I am so proud to be as like as a real person wife.

You was a student of Faridput Rajendro college and after Khulna city collage. I don’t know year. Only know that Dr. sharfuddin Bhai (BM’s general secretary) was your college mate that I knew from you at hotel Sonargaon a occasion of community clinic seminar of Modasser Bhai.

I recall first in 1984 you took me in Dhaka with you. This is that Dhaka. Are you know that’s nice Dhaka have been gone many years now become so much ugly and dangerous with me. A lots of ugly face has hidden that’s nice Dhaka that’s always so distresse to me. Are you know ? family, society and administration now made me dumb disability. Now I understand everything by my shrewd eye. But no express. Sometimes I become rebelous, then seems to me that to massacre this society and sonar Bangla and cut a bit. This Bangla is not that corrupted peoples, this Bangla is  only for ours and our children. (cont.)



Ahmed Schwan



Ahmed Rafsan And Nigar sultana