''A Dumb Crying''

Krishan Konna

For being sometimes in my thought that I will write a story of ‘A Dumb Crying’. Just this time once I had seen the writing by Ex. Ambassador Wali-ur Rahman. He had written that ‘Sotto je kothin, kothinere valo bashilam se more korena bonchchona.’ (True is so hard that’s never ignore to me). From that day I started my writing. At that time I was looking who am I ? where come from ? whats my indentity or background ? Only for this root to go back so long distance to me. In there I have got back of my life and got a introduced such a familys history who had written of blooded letters. On the other hand, so looking a famous traditional family’s history. At that time understand that my root is so strong and the full meaning of Damb crying. For being 18 years that’s pains I have been carrying that no express and no tolerate without no exposed. For this once I affected. In there my Allah saved me. After that always I am living to bear that dumb crying. I want to crying the loud voice but could not. I know that if I don’t cry, eighter I fall affected again. So only for this now I am coming to say my dumb crying. For not only me, only for my two sons. I responsibility to  them. I know that I will go. Only back to them to near of relatives and want my ended my disputed life. Continue in my mind to be distressed but no express or no crying. But why ? How much sacrifice to me can you say this ? Once all of the peoples was responsible when I affected, But now who bear me ?

So long 18 years ago by a great mistake to became disputed me. Always bearing a dumb crying  being so long time. That miserable period passed me, anyone can be back my that distressed time ? in our society always the guilty of woman. So at that day his mistake always carried me only. But at that day what did he doing ? That’s tolerate silently. In our middle class woman could not anything if she desire. Without dumb crying whats have them ? So once I affected again. But unfortunately I become as like as a coffin of dead body by covered of the white cloth.    

But that’s touch of poison  once I affected dumb. That’s dumb story no express anybody, so once I affected. After my new born again I had felt that shadow of my life. I wanted to live and tried to loud sound but could not nothing. At that time I was dumb too. So could not crying by loud voice. Again I affected by that poison and my whole blood converted black color. Always I have been crying that pains of poison.  But no sound. But why ? First cause my two sons-who always looking at me. They are laughing if I laugh and they crying, if I cry.  That 18 years ago to did a wrong and to became disputed of my whole family and from then to kept myself so distance. To day can I crying them ? that should be for me ? for this always tolerate that no express.

The second reason that I am a daughter and a daughter of law such as a family that easily no anything for me. Today I can not nothing willingly. Once I was a best daughter of law of my father of law that I know. To day a lot of brothers and sisters are around the whole country and of the world that I am seeing everywhere.  Can I crying  loudly ? He is laying for forever of Gopalgong.  If I crying, he wake up.  Can I break his sleep ? now I am disputed to all of relatives, so should not be disturb  to them. So now I am crying by dumb only for this. Now my desire and want to telling  that I want to live, please save me. Please come on for end my disputed life and to know my true fact.  But can not. Seems to me that incident they knew once, that will stay being true. But our innocent sons ? Perhaps once I will go with my disputed life but whole life our sons bear that only.   I can not that. So today I come here only for solve my disputed life and justice of me.

When of our country to form tribunal for the crime of liberation war in 1971. Just this moment a dumb woman coming in front of the nation only for her justice to against the famous freedom fighter of Bangladesh who always covered his face with labash (s.fold). I don’t believe that he is a freedom fighter. Genuine freedom were fighting for save the woman of Bangladesh. But I always had seen he killed a lot of woman and putt of out side. Bangabandhur ideal was producer, not consumer. I am orginal freedom fighters daughter and sister too. But my whole life distressed me a freedom fighter. Now I want my justice to  the peoples of Bangladesh. I know that after this writing must be my death. But I don’t fear. I am Bangali, I am Muslim who always going forwarding the death of hanging with laughing, but never surrender to  unfair. For being two years always I am writing to him but he could not understand. So now I am coming my justice of the peoples of the country. As like as Rajaker justice of course to be perform in this country until he don’t recognize me. I have told that at the moment of the bad of last time after death, of course recongnize and t be say that ture word. Sometimes in my thought that I will to to all of our humanitarian. But I loved him so much. So could not. But now only for my child I am telling my dumb story only for finished my disputed life. Today I am standing up such a place, no moving or not stoping. No anybody of this country who save me this distressed and to see me the path of ture and light  or realease ? I know that I will be die and I want to my two sons only their relative and then finished my dumb crying (end).